Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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