He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
