We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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