he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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