ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
