I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
