we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
false alarm, still single
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
