Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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