Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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