I am puke
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
