I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize