well I can't set my house on fire every night
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
