I'm drive I can fine osifer
this beer tastes like vomit already
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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