i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
