I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
