New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
