I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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