It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
