Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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