i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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