I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
