if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
