Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
