Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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