I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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