Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
