So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
