They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
