I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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