I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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