what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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