Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
