your thong is hanging out like whoa
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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