i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
