I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize