i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
