If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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