Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
