And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
