fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
