I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
