Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
