I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
