well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sext me about skeletons
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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