of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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