An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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