My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
