You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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