People in love make me want to vomit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
