When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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