If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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