So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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