ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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