It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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