i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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