Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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