WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
