Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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