he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
