Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
