You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
