I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
