The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I touched a dick in church today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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