I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
