So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
