dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
