I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want to fling myself into the sun
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
