I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
