he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
