i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
