I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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