do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
