So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
