Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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