no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
