I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
God, I missed his penis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
