also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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