Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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