Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
