i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
