i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
