The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
