He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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