I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
