So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
