sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
