Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
