Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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