just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
