Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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