i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
