I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
