This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
