3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
