apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
