in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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