false alarm. still invincible.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
