Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
