he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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