I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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