oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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